Sex. This three letter word is one of the most talked about subject in the world. In fact, we live in a highly sexualized generation. I have seen bill boards that have pictures of ladies not properly dressed, advertising tooth paste! Movies are not interesting without sex, novels struggle to sell if there is no touch of sex. It is hard these days for young people to live untangled lives, free from the grip and influence of sex. Marriages are not free either as infidelity remains a leading cause of divorce. I read twenty-six different stories today, sad tales of young men who were molested at some point in their life, some were raped. There are also stories of women whose lives carry scars from sexual abuse. The world we live in is sexually charged and there are now all sorts of ways people go about discharging.
The journey towards sexual purity begins at gaining a proper understanding of sex. This understanding can only be formed from God's word. This understanding will be built up by considering the nature, context, power and practice of sex from the perspective of scripture.
Sex is a covenant seal on the covenant pact of marriage between a husband and a wife. It is a covenant based activity not merely an activity for pleasure or procreation. It is firstly a covenant seal.
A lack of understanding of this as the nature of sex leads to looseness and profanity. This is why Esau sold his birth right cheaply.
This covenant pact does not exist outside the context of marriage. Sex outside marriage is a destructive wild fire. Sex is as much a potent destructive force outside of marriage as it is a blessing and constructive force within the covenant of marriage.
The power of sex is union. It brings spirits together in a bond (soul tie). In this union is an intermingling of spirit and soul substance between the partners. He who is joined with a harlot is one with her. When a man is joined to his wife in consummation they become one.
Sex is beyond the physical thrill. It is a binding force that unites spirits. 1 Cor 6:16-17; Gen 2:24.
In a marriage, sex is a burden when spouses have been fragmented from sharing the sacredness of their union through adultery (either physical or mental or electronic as in phone sex or internet sex: Jesus equates imagining it to doing it). Sex is the cheapest way to push terrible things into people's life because of its bower to bind. Demons of lust and perversion find an in road through sexual indiscretion to molest people and mess up the sanity of their life and home.
In the practice of sex, it takes two, male and female (as in husband and wife), to have sex. Maturation is demonic and a sign of lack of self control. The practice of sex is not by self arousal. Anal sex and other variations of sex without the natural apparatus for it, are an abuse of the body and of sex. This is alien to the new man. Sex outside marriage is a curse, it's not a blessing. God frowns at it and His blessing is not on it. 1 Th 4:1-6.
Now what is sexual immorality? Sexual immorality means every thing invented that is against the context and practice of sex and that abuses the power and nature of sex. (polygamy, homosexuality, lesbianism, beastiality, pedophilia, maturation, sexual fantasy, pornography, phone sex, internet sex and so on, are examples). These are like turning stones to bread and when you do so, the bread doesn't remain as bread. It becomes stones in your belly to take life from you. No life retains its sanity without sexual purity.
Sexual purity is a state of being rid of and free from every form of sexual sin. In our worship of God, sexual purity has a central place because God is holy. He requires of us to be holy as he is holy. This is important in our fellowshipping with Him. Rom 12:1-2, the sexually impure cannot truly worship God. Sexual impurity will impair your worship of God. The sexually impure can not continually carry the manifest presence and power of the Holy Ghost.
In worship:
1. Your body must be pure.
2. Your mind must be pure.
1 Jn 1:5-6. It is impossible to walk with God and walk in darkness at the same time. You cannot maintain fellowship with God in sexual immorality. The unfortunate watering down of this truth through overemphasising God's love and forgiveness is a feeble excuse to justify spiritual immaturity and has been weaponised by the enemy to weaken the church through sexual sins. Fellowship is walking in the light and this involves repenting, coming clean with God by confessing that sin and receiving the forgiveness Jesus' blood has procured on your behalf. Fellowship with God means being holy as God is holy. The God of the New Testament is as holy as in the Old Testament. The grace of God neither adultrates nor changes His Character of holiness.
A lot has been said already. Let's understand how sexual immorality works.
Prov 7:1-24, it begins with words, flattery. Flattery is evil though appreciation is good. There is a difference between both. Youthfulness is a season of strength but that should be channeled judiciously through discretion. The reason why there are a few powerful young people in the things of God is because of the pollution of sexual immorality. This pollution began at the point of flattery.
It festers through thought. This is where it begins to grow till it becomes a driving force that propels towards action. The action leads to contact. This means that the person involved goes on to carry out his or her fantasies. This is where fornication, adultery, sexual abuse of innocent children and rape come from.
As a bonus, let's consider a frequently asked question:
What's wrong with kissing?
Understand that:
1. It is a token of commitment
2. It is a promise of things to come in sex, it is a prelude to sex as it stirs or arouses one.
This is why it should be done in marriage. The danger of kissing and touching during courtship (dating) is that you set yourselves ablaze with passion which you cannot handle. The sexual fantasies that result from this encounters are as dirty as the act itself. So what should you do with your fiance or fiancee in courtship? Spend time together going out, studying, praying, planning for your future and getting to know and understand each other. There are a lot of constructive activities you can engage in. Sexual experimentation during courtship will not further educate you about each other. It is destructive and those stolen thrills make their way into your marriage to become issues that you will struggle with.
Let's also deal with the matter of crushes. Matt 15:19, the heart is important. Who are you liking and why? It's not a "crush" you need, it's the "cross". Use the "cross" to crush a "crush". What do I mean? Subject your heart to God's word regularly and bring every inordinate thought and fantasy under the lordship of the word.
How do I get out of immorality and walk in sexual purity? Accountability is critical in dealing with matters of immorality. In accountability, there must be sincerity. You cannot be helped if you are not sincere. You may get a rebuke but it's good for your soul. Take it in and be healed by that Word but open up first and be sincere about it.
Reasons you must stay off immorality
• It impairs your fellowship with God and your maturity.
• Eph 4:17-19, lust never ends after it starts. Jas 1:13, lust draws away and entices so that it can conceive to birth sin which brings death and the cycle continues. Lust happens in the heart: it births sin which births death. Nip it in the bud quickly before it takes hold. Take God's word to deal with lustful thoughts, talk to your self from God's word!
Remedy: how do we handle sexual immorality?
• Understand that God's abiding word in your heart is the sure cure to the evil of sexual immorality. Ps 119:9,11. Give heed to the Word at all times Jn 17:17; Job 23:12; Matt 4:4; Prov 4:20.
• You need "guard rails" or boundaries. Don't tempt your self. Refuse to be prone to temptation. For example, don't get into touching people and enjoying it. Hugs should not be long. Set boundaries for your body, your eyes (don't see dirty things). Set boundaries on the kind of phone calls you receive, don't take provocative calls. Put boundaries on what you say, don't flatter people. Visiting with the opposite sex alone is a no-no.
• Stay accountable. Submit to accountability over issues that repentance and resolutions don't seem to handle. In marriage, learn to excuse people from your matrimony to avoid provocation to immorality. My wife also has the right to call me to order if there is someone around me she is not comfortable with.
• When you repent, repent forward. Don't repent and rescind your repentance.
• Watch your companions. Never partner with a loose person (including believers). 1 Cor 5:1-7
Finally let's look at the place of church discipline in dealing with and maintaining sexual purity. Church Discipline creates opportunity for restoration. The "quarantine" period from discipline is an opportunity for restoration of the erring believer and during this period, such a person is exposed to the Word to help their soul regain sanity. This is not some form of ostracism and therefore should be engaged with love and wisdom by the leadership of the church. This is not a time to sympathize with the person being disciplined, this is complicity.
If the person being disciplined is unrepentant, after exhausting the process of restoration, evict the person from the assembly. God has committed judgment in the church to the leadership of the church therefore, discipline is not out of place in the church.
Note the following concerning pregnancy in courtship. If the mistake has been made:
• No abortion in the event of a pregnancy
• Separate first, then take responsibility for the pregnancy by ensuring the mother and child are okay.
• If marriage is in view, go through the courtship correctly. You can begin sexual relations after marriage.
• If they are stewards, they will be suspended for restoration. After the time, they can be restored.
• The mother should deliver and nurture the baby. Nothing is wrong with the baby, it is holy.
• Ultimately, abstenance from sex is what thr Bible teaches. Protected sex is an alien concept to the gospel and the life of Christ.
• Don't mock people in this case, show them love but don't side in with them.
• When a person remains unrepentant, sever friendly ties with such.
• How do you know the one who has repented? The witness of the Spirit, the fruits of repentance seen in the person's life.
The journey towards sexual purity begins at gaining a proper understanding of sex. This understanding can only be formed from God's word. This understanding will be built up by considering the nature, context, power and practice of sex from the perspective of scripture.
Sex is a covenant seal on the covenant pact of marriage between a husband and a wife. It is a covenant based activity not merely an activity for pleasure or procreation. It is firstly a covenant seal.
A lack of understanding of this as the nature of sex leads to looseness and profanity. This is why Esau sold his birth right cheaply.
This covenant pact does not exist outside the context of marriage. Sex outside marriage is a destructive wild fire. Sex is as much a potent destructive force outside of marriage as it is a blessing and constructive force within the covenant of marriage.
The power of sex is union. It brings spirits together in a bond (soul tie). In this union is an intermingling of spirit and soul substance between the partners. He who is joined with a harlot is one with her. When a man is joined to his wife in consummation they become one.
Sex is beyond the physical thrill. It is a binding force that unites spirits. 1 Cor 6:16-17; Gen 2:24.
In a marriage, sex is a burden when spouses have been fragmented from sharing the sacredness of their union through adultery (either physical or mental or electronic as in phone sex or internet sex: Jesus equates imagining it to doing it). Sex is the cheapest way to push terrible things into people's life because of its bower to bind. Demons of lust and perversion find an in road through sexual indiscretion to molest people and mess up the sanity of their life and home.
In the practice of sex, it takes two, male and female (as in husband and wife), to have sex. Maturation is demonic and a sign of lack of self control. The practice of sex is not by self arousal. Anal sex and other variations of sex without the natural apparatus for it, are an abuse of the body and of sex. This is alien to the new man. Sex outside marriage is a curse, it's not a blessing. God frowns at it and His blessing is not on it. 1 Th 4:1-6.
Now what is sexual immorality? Sexual immorality means every thing invented that is against the context and practice of sex and that abuses the power and nature of sex. (polygamy, homosexuality, lesbianism, beastiality, pedophilia, maturation, sexual fantasy, pornography, phone sex, internet sex and so on, are examples). These are like turning stones to bread and when you do so, the bread doesn't remain as bread. It becomes stones in your belly to take life from you. No life retains its sanity without sexual purity.
Sexual purity is a state of being rid of and free from every form of sexual sin. In our worship of God, sexual purity has a central place because God is holy. He requires of us to be holy as he is holy. This is important in our fellowshipping with Him. Rom 12:1-2, the sexually impure cannot truly worship God. Sexual impurity will impair your worship of God. The sexually impure can not continually carry the manifest presence and power of the Holy Ghost.
In worship:
1. Your body must be pure.
2. Your mind must be pure.
1 Jn 1:5-6. It is impossible to walk with God and walk in darkness at the same time. You cannot maintain fellowship with God in sexual immorality. The unfortunate watering down of this truth through overemphasising God's love and forgiveness is a feeble excuse to justify spiritual immaturity and has been weaponised by the enemy to weaken the church through sexual sins. Fellowship is walking in the light and this involves repenting, coming clean with God by confessing that sin and receiving the forgiveness Jesus' blood has procured on your behalf. Fellowship with God means being holy as God is holy. The God of the New Testament is as holy as in the Old Testament. The grace of God neither adultrates nor changes His Character of holiness.
A lot has been said already. Let's understand how sexual immorality works.
Prov 7:1-24, it begins with words, flattery. Flattery is evil though appreciation is good. There is a difference between both. Youthfulness is a season of strength but that should be channeled judiciously through discretion. The reason why there are a few powerful young people in the things of God is because of the pollution of sexual immorality. This pollution began at the point of flattery.
It festers through thought. This is where it begins to grow till it becomes a driving force that propels towards action. The action leads to contact. This means that the person involved goes on to carry out his or her fantasies. This is where fornication, adultery, sexual abuse of innocent children and rape come from.
As a bonus, let's consider a frequently asked question:
What's wrong with kissing?
Understand that:
1. It is a token of commitment
2. It is a promise of things to come in sex, it is a prelude to sex as it stirs or arouses one.
This is why it should be done in marriage. The danger of kissing and touching during courtship (dating) is that you set yourselves ablaze with passion which you cannot handle. The sexual fantasies that result from this encounters are as dirty as the act itself. So what should you do with your fiance or fiancee in courtship? Spend time together going out, studying, praying, planning for your future and getting to know and understand each other. There are a lot of constructive activities you can engage in. Sexual experimentation during courtship will not further educate you about each other. It is destructive and those stolen thrills make their way into your marriage to become issues that you will struggle with.
Let's also deal with the matter of crushes. Matt 15:19, the heart is important. Who are you liking and why? It's not a "crush" you need, it's the "cross". Use the "cross" to crush a "crush". What do I mean? Subject your heart to God's word regularly and bring every inordinate thought and fantasy under the lordship of the word.
How do I get out of immorality and walk in sexual purity? Accountability is critical in dealing with matters of immorality. In accountability, there must be sincerity. You cannot be helped if you are not sincere. You may get a rebuke but it's good for your soul. Take it in and be healed by that Word but open up first and be sincere about it.
Reasons you must stay off immorality
• It impairs your fellowship with God and your maturity.
• Eph 4:17-19, lust never ends after it starts. Jas 1:13, lust draws away and entices so that it can conceive to birth sin which brings death and the cycle continues. Lust happens in the heart: it births sin which births death. Nip it in the bud quickly before it takes hold. Take God's word to deal with lustful thoughts, talk to your self from God's word!
Remedy: how do we handle sexual immorality?
• Understand that God's abiding word in your heart is the sure cure to the evil of sexual immorality. Ps 119:9,11. Give heed to the Word at all times Jn 17:17; Job 23:12; Matt 4:4; Prov 4:20.
• You need "guard rails" or boundaries. Don't tempt your self. Refuse to be prone to temptation. For example, don't get into touching people and enjoying it. Hugs should not be long. Set boundaries for your body, your eyes (don't see dirty things). Set boundaries on the kind of phone calls you receive, don't take provocative calls. Put boundaries on what you say, don't flatter people. Visiting with the opposite sex alone is a no-no.
• Stay accountable. Submit to accountability over issues that repentance and resolutions don't seem to handle. In marriage, learn to excuse people from your matrimony to avoid provocation to immorality. My wife also has the right to call me to order if there is someone around me she is not comfortable with.
• When you repent, repent forward. Don't repent and rescind your repentance.
• Watch your companions. Never partner with a loose person (including believers). 1 Cor 5:1-7
Finally let's look at the place of church discipline in dealing with and maintaining sexual purity. Church Discipline creates opportunity for restoration. The "quarantine" period from discipline is an opportunity for restoration of the erring believer and during this period, such a person is exposed to the Word to help their soul regain sanity. This is not some form of ostracism and therefore should be engaged with love and wisdom by the leadership of the church. This is not a time to sympathize with the person being disciplined, this is complicity.
If the person being disciplined is unrepentant, after exhausting the process of restoration, evict the person from the assembly. God has committed judgment in the church to the leadership of the church therefore, discipline is not out of place in the church.
Note the following concerning pregnancy in courtship. If the mistake has been made:
• No abortion in the event of a pregnancy
• Separate first, then take responsibility for the pregnancy by ensuring the mother and child are okay.
• If marriage is in view, go through the courtship correctly. You can begin sexual relations after marriage.
• If they are stewards, they will be suspended for restoration. After the time, they can be restored.
• The mother should deliver and nurture the baby. Nothing is wrong with the baby, it is holy.
• Ultimately, abstenance from sex is what thr Bible teaches. Protected sex is an alien concept to the gospel and the life of Christ.
• Don't mock people in this case, show them love but don't side in with them.
• When a person remains unrepentant, sever friendly ties with such.
• How do you know the one who has repented? The witness of the Spirit, the fruits of repentance seen in the person's life.
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